On Being the Valentine Grinch

‘Tis the time of the year when Hallmark Greeting Cards, flower shops, restos and chocolate companies conspire to extort a huge sum of money from those who were struck by the ever mighty Cupid. ‘Tis the time of the year when you’d be blinded by all the shades of pinks and reds tinting those heart-shaped stuff, anywhere & everywhere you go. And ‘tis the time of the year when the Valentine ‘grinch’ comes out from his/her closet to spread hate and disdain toward what’s supposedly a feast for St. Valentine.

What about the Valentine GRINCH? Putting things forward, a Valentine ‘grinch’ can either be any of these:

1.) Somebody whose blood curdles whenever he/she sees a couple in an oblivious state of lovey-dovey cum PDA. In fact, he/she considers puking while at the same time endlessly cursing that ‘couple’ in his/her mind.

2.) Somebody who thinks that this day becomes a money-making activity for businesses, say ‘commercialization’. From expensive stuff toys, cards with silly messages, chocolates of different variety, it all boils down to one thing----VALENTINE EXPENSES.

3.) Somebody who believes that V-Day sets standards for everyone else to follow like everyone should wear red, everyone should listen to cheesy I-Love-You songs, every guy should offer his girl grand gestures, & many more to boot.

4.) Somebody, whose heart has been crushed & damaged on the very same day of February 14 because he/she was dumped, cheated and lied to by his/her –ex. And by the end of the day, he/she is back to being UNATTACHED.

5.) Somebody who’s ATTACHED but was left unsatisfied on how his/her day turned out to be what you can call as ‘not-so-special’.

6.) Somebody who doesn’t have the concept of Valentine’s Day in his/her mind because he/she has been SINGLE in his/her entire being. That way, you were reminded that the season wouldn’t be justified if you don’t have anybody to share it with.

7.) Somebody who is an old angry spinster or just a trying hard one who thinks he/she can’t set free from the curse of ‘singlehood’. Nyaaay.

8.) Somebody who’s already married with the thought of creating the perfect scenario in his/her mind, only to find out it’ll never be like it once was.

9.) Somebody who thinks he/she is better off-alone with matching ‘the-hell-I-care-with-what’s-happening-in-the-world’ attitude.

10.) Lastly, somebody who just irrationally hates and is allergic towards his/her own definition of LOVE as a sickening sappy circumstance.

So, what sort of Grinch are you? *grins*

If you’re more than one of the above, then you’re almost a hopeless case. You need an immediate knock on the head to shake off the cynic in you. Why hate Valentine’s Day and loathe those who celebrate it just because you have so much bitterness inside? I mean, come on, you can erase that frown off your face and drop your raised eyebrow. Just be happy for those couples as they give a little more love in the world. It’s a whole lot better than harboring resentment in your heart. Chances are, you just might end up being a spinster yourself. (That is, if you’re not one yet.) Or worse, a larger than life, scowling Grinch. (Uh-oh. I’d never dream of it if I were you.) Well pal, I leave it to you.

P.S. This post is a collaboration between moi & my roommate Michelle Rendaje. She just wrapped up my post. (Yes, she wrote the last paragraph/conclusion! Wee.) Thanks Mitch! You were of no doubt an awesome writer! <3

HAPPY VALENTINES! :)

Unrequited Love: Biktima Ka Rin Ba?

Unrequited love? Oo, biktima ako nun.  At marahil ikaw na nagbabasa ngayon ay naging biktima rin, kasalukuyang binibiktima o magiging biktima pa. Dalawampung taon ng nakatungtong ang aking maliliit na paa ala lotus feet rito sa mundo at ‘di ko ikinakailang maraming beses na rin akong nag-ukol ng pagtingin sa iba’t-ibang uri ng lalake. Ayun, may straight, may binabae, may sporty, may mukhang kulugo, yung isa may topak, at merong ding may B.O. Ewan ko nga ba kung totoo ‘yung lahat ng sinabi ko basta ang alam ko lang  sakto yung first three. Oo na, ang labo ko ngang kausap. Kaya, kung di mo masikmura ang mga pinagsusulat ko ay hala, gorabels ka na at mag-flylalu to the edge of glory! Baboosh at huwag ng bumalik pa nang di ko ma-jombags ang nguso mo.

Hep! Alrighty, tama na ang mga salitang bading. Masyado na akong nagiging trying hard at ayoko ng ganun.

    So, eto ang kuwento ko. Apat na taon na akong single at ‘di ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ko ng ipinukol sa ‘king sarili ang simpleng tanong na “BAKIT?” Ang pangit-pangit ko na ba talaga? Nakakadiri ba talaga ang sandamakmak kong tagyawat sa mukha? May an-an, buni, fungi o hadhad ba ako na hindi man lang ako aware? O kaya naman, mukha ba akong nangangalmot kaya walang lumalapit sa ‘kin? Oh c’mon, TELL ME!

   Ganito kasi ‘yun, di ba binanggit ko ang UNREQUITED LOVE kanina na siya nga namang pinkapunto ko sa entry kong ito? Sa totoo lang, sa apat na taon ko rito sa UPV, sa iisang tao lang naman ako nakaramdam ng ganito. Alam mo ‘yung pakiramdam na gustung-gusto mo siya. Kulang na lang gumawa ka ng first move nang ikaw ay mapansin. Hindi naman kasi ako liberated o ‘di kaya’y nasobrahan sa women empowerment. Tulad ng utot, gusto ko na talagang ilabas at iputok ito ngunit pinipigilan ko naman ang sarili ko kasi ayoko rin namang mapahiya. Ayoko lang talagang maunang magtapat. Period.

Binabaling ko rin naman ang aking atensyon sa ibang tao, pa-crush2x sa iba. Yun nga lang, wala pa ring silbi. Kung itsura man lang, hindi talaga siya gwapo. Kung brains naman, hindi rin naman siya ganoon katalino. Kung attitude naman, siya ang epitome ng ‘maginoo pero medyo bastos’. Mantakin mo ‘yun, out-of-the-blue nawala lahat ng standards ko? Sino pa bang sisisihin ko kundi ang hinayupak na lalaking yun! To be honest, mas minahal ko pa siya kumpara sa –ex ko. Anong klaseng crush ba ‘to? Did I mention the word ‘minahal’? Ayun, inamin ko na!

Sa totoo lang, pilit ko rin naman siyang kinalimutan. Binura ko na nga ang number niya. (At hindi ko minemorya yun. Duh. Huwag mag-expect.) Halos i-unfriend ko na nga siya sa FB ngunit huwag na lang baka naman mahalata niyang iniiwasan ko siya. (Siya pa naman ang nag-add.) Pero ang pinakanakakabaliw sa lahat ay yung mga pagkakataon na nagkakandaupang-palad kayo sa iba’t-ibang parte ng UPV. ‘Di ko maiwasang ‘di tumingin ng diretso sa kanya. Nahihirapan din akong magsabi ng ‘hi’ o ‘hello’ at kung may choice ako eh ayaw ko rin naman unless mauna siya. Sabi ko nga, ayokong mahalata nya ang ‘uneasiness’ ko towards him. Pero alam mo yun, ginagawa ko naman ‘to upang tuluyan na siyang mawaglit sa aking isipan. (WTF!!!)

Ewan ko rin, parang iniiwasan na rin nya ako. Buwan na yata ang nakalipas mula nang mag-text siya. Sa tuwing nagkakasalubong kami, hindi na rin siya namamansin, ni palitan ng ngiti wala na rin. Mas mabuti na rin siguro yung ganito, pa-unti2x nang sa huli’y matatanggap ko na rin na wala na talaga siguro akong pag-asa sa kanya. (Parang lalake naman ako kung magsalita. Akala mo kung sinong nililigawan.) Unti-unti na rin akong nakaka-move on pero di ko parin mapigilan ang aking sarili na umasa. Sa ngayon, kapag may nakikita akong babae na kasama niya, di ko maiwasang mag-isip ng masama. Parang kinakain ako ng paranoia. Pero ‘di ba wala naman akong karapatan? Wala naman akong karapatang makaramdam ng kahit kapipiranggot lamang na selos. But in the long run, masakit pa rin. Ika nga, tagos!

Malapit na akong grumadweyt! Bilang na ang mga oras na makikita ko siya at bilang na rin ang mga oras upang mailabas ko ang aking mga hinanakit sa kanya. Ang tanging benepisyong makukuha ko kung di ko na siya makikita ay tuluyan ko na rin sigurong makakalimutan ang aking nararamdaman. Kung saa’t-saan, ‘dun din iyon patutungo. Siguro, ang tanging magagawa ko lang ngayon ay umani ng ng sapat na courage upang maibuhos ko ang lahat pagdating ng tamang panahon. At sa panahong iyon, zero na talaga siguro ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Marahil, tatawanan ko na lang ang aking nagawang kabaliwan at kababawan. (Takte! Ang drama ko lang. MMK ang peg?)

Sa ngayon, mas mabuti na sigurong alagaan ko ang PRIDE ko. Ito lang naman ang lagi kong kasangga sa buhay at ito lang din naman ang natatanging bagay na kaya kong ipagmalaki at ipagkalandakan sa mundo. Pero syempre, sumagi din naman sa isipan ko ang posibilidad na kahit konti lang, baka may nararamdaman din naman siya para sa akin. Wuuuu! Malabo naman talaga sigurong mangyari iyon.

UNREQUITED LOVE nga naman, masyadong one-sided. At heto naman ako, hindi pa rin nagsasawa sa mga pambibiktimang ginagawa niya. Sige-sige pa rin kahit magkanda-ubos2x na ang dugo dahil sa walang humpay na pananaksak ng lecheng unrequited love na ‘yan.

Tama na siguro ‘to. Ayoko nang maging biktima. Talagang ayoko na. *sabay birit ng Kung Ako Na Lang Sana ni Bituin Escalante*

That Perfect Flaw

“You are the quiet spectator in the crowd. You like order, being exact, clarity and purity of thought. Noticing the slightest detail is so natural to you that you can bring order out of chaos. You always strive to do the right thing.”

Born under the Virgo zodiac sign, I’ve been collecting Virgo bookmarks since time immemorial. Written above were the most obvious characteristics of people under the same zodiac sign as described in the latest bookmark I’ve purchased in a famous local bookstore. As long as I can remember, the mirage of inscriptions spells consistency which enabled me to dwell on the notion that Virgo-nians are fated to be called “perfectionists."

Perfectionism in psychology is a belief that perfection should be strived for. Technically the demand for perfection has been constantly causing quite a stir among individuals who possess this kind of complex. Psychologist Gordon Flett of York University in Toronto cited that perfectionists are very rarely obsessive about only one aspect of their lives; they "hate mistakes in everything”. In fact, Flett baptized this particular type of all-or-nothing thinking as the "just right" phenomenon. For a perfectionist, if something isn’t “just right”, might as well call it “useless” and be consequently tossed out to a pool of oblivion.

On the other hand, being a media student just made me more conscious on how ‘perfection’ is depicted in movies. I can closely associate two films that fall in this category: The Devil Wears Prada and The Black Swan which are actually my personal favorites.  

The female lead Miranda Priestly as portrayed by Meryll Streep in The Devil Wears Prada is an epitome of what we call ‘the horrible, perfectionist boss’. She is very hard to please with those overwhelming standards she has set for everybody else to lift their heads up. Most of all, being the editor-in-chief of New York’s fashion bible, Runway magazine converted her into a person who refuses to accept failure.

Actually, this type of perfectionism in Miranda provided her an array of benefits. It made her become a highly-motivated person regardless of the stealthy hatred her staff is having towards her. Nevertheless, she’s still very highly respected. Most of all, her strive towards perfection was rewarded by making Runway, the best-selling magazine in New York.

Contrariwise, perfectionism can be a bitch too and it’s proven true by the movie Black Swan. Natalie Portman portrayed the character of Nina, a struggling ballerina in the New York City Ballet. In order to cope up with her mother’s narcissistic views, she has transformed herself to become the best among others for her to land the lead role in the ballet performance. Blogger Douglas Eby quoted that performing arts such as ballet involve high levels of that kind of devotion to precision and excellence.

The movie strongly gave us a picture on how perfectionism can be very detrimental. Nina tortured herself to be perfect, criticizing every lapse she commits. She desperately wants to play both the White Swan and the Black Swan that’s why she constantly convinces herself that she’s not good enough. Eventually, Nina’s endless venture to perfection caused her death. Evidently,  perfection comes with a high dose of pressure and burden.

On a personal note, the two movies presented the two sides of the coin, thoughts that I should abide to since I am a self-proclaimed perfectionist. Both movies enabled me to weigh the consequences brought by ‘perfectionism’. The matter can result to downsides such as low self-esteem, self-guilt, compulsive behavior, pessimism as well as depression. However, its upshots include being motivated, competitive, a nearness to reaching your dreams, accomplishing things in the most ideal way possible and many more.

Raised in a society filled with imperfections and being born with taunting shortcomings, I consider ‘perfectionism’ as my most precious attribute. Like a true-blue Virgo, I am a very detailed person who carries an impeccable hypercritical disposition in life. Equally, I value excellence and accuracy as my life’s driving forces.

Perfectionism motivates me to excel and to improve my work. With these spontaneous ejaculations of ideas right now, I’m simply afraid that I might’ve written sentences jam-packed with grammatical errors. Honestly, I don’t want to proceed to the next sentence ‘til I become satisfied with the previous ones. It has to be reworked and reworked ‘til it sounds just right, it’s as if precision has become my ticket towards a certain kind of fulfillment. I always have this ‘inner critic’ in me.

Though we are taught to not judge a book by its cover, this line doesn’t really serve as true for everybody particularly for individuals like me. Perfectionists raise higher standards than the rest, trying to demand more from themselves and from others. Perhaps this is caused by the structure in our society that teaches us to do more, be more and have more. We have to try hard to enough to get things precisely right.

While perfectionism can be either good or bad, one thing will always constant----perfection is just an impossible dream.  In a practical manner, a perfectionist should wake up from that dream and set his/her feet back into reality.

P.S: This is my last course log in Psych10. I just thought of posting it since I believe it's worth reading. To my co-perfectionists, cheers! :))